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The purpose of this agreement is to create a safe and intimate environment for conversations when we
are in conflict by establishing respectful conflict guidelines and boundaries that allow the healthy
expression of feelings to ensure they are heard.
1. We agree that we are allies and on the same team.
2. We agree to review this agreement weekly and before attempting to resolve any conflict. We each
agree to do our utmost to uphold this agreement.
3. We will begin the conversation by reviewing our Communications Agreement, and if felt necessary
by either party, RCA Safety Guidelines.
4. If either of us need a “time out” to cool off we agree in advance that the first time out will be for 15
minutes. The person requesting the time out agrees to state something like: “I need a time out for
15 minutes, I am not leaving the relationship.”
5. We agree to limit discussions of loaded topics to 20 minutes. A timer can be used if either partner
wishes. When the time is up we will either agree to continue or reschedule a time to complete the
conversation. We agree not to attempt to discuss loaded topics before 9:00 AM or after 9:00 PM.
6. We agree we will not name-call, shame, use offensive language or blame our partner.
7. We agree we will not be physically or emotionally abusive. This includes, and is not limited to,
shoving, hitting, door slamming or throwing objects. We also agree not to engage in threatening
behavior that we know our partner fears, such as threatening abandonment or exile. If either one of
us is in fear of the other due to the conflict we agree to be honest about our feelings.
8. We agree to identify the issue that needs discussion and to keep the conversation about the issue at
hand. Understanding the issue at hand may have triggered a “core” issue from the past or family of
origin, we agree to attempt to differentiate between the present and the past.
9. We agree not to attempt to resolve a conflict or engage in “fighting” behavior at the following times;
while driving; while in bed; during the workday or at a place of employment; when hostile behavior
may escalate; and/or when either partner is feeling low, vulnerable, tired, hungry or “not up to the
10. We also agree not to attempt to resolve conflict while in public or around family members. If conflict
erupts during these times we agree to acknowledge the upset feelings and agree not to abandon or
walk away from the upset person, rather to treat the upset person with kindness.
11. We agree to close a conflict resolution conversation with a couple affirming prayer.
12. We agree to reach out to our sponsor couple, or another couple, if either of us feel we are unable to
remain respectful in our attempt to resolve the conflict.
We enter into this agreement willingly and lovingly:
__________________________________ __________________________ _______
Partner “A” Partner “B” Date
Lovingly witnessed by our sponsor couple:
__________________________________ __________________________ _______
Sponsor “A” Sponsor “B” Date
Respectful Conflict Agreement
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