You have a problem with the increasing number of hedgehogs taking up residence in your
basement. As we have discussed in person multiple times in the past, I believe I am the perfect
person to guide you as you work to fix this problem.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this in person, but on top of my degree in Pest Control, I am also a
town-certified Hedgehog Negotiator. My multifaceted approach to the hedgehog problem is what
separates me from my competitors. By bringing multiple styles to the game, I allow the client—
and, as needed, the pest—to decide how hands-on he wants to get. As such, we’d begin our
consultation with a review of your current hedgehog policies and practices, with the end goal of
fixing any mistakes that may have allowed your spiny new guests to take up residence where
they are not welcome.
Following this consultation, you’ll know exactly what you need—and what your conscience will
allow—when dealing with the hedgehogs. My skills and training paint a broad picture for clients,
and my ability to explain concepts easily makes sure you aren’t drowning in jargon while you
attempt to understand the process.
You won’t be obligated to follow my instructions, and you will not need to pay any extra fees
unless we are required to meet out of town or have dinner at your request. We’re both local, and
we both know how word of mouth works in Pleasantville, so I’m happy to pocket any additional
costs, as required. I also want to make sure you understand that this consultation proposal
refers to a discussion about hedgehog removal but does not actually include said removal. If
you’d like, and if you decide extermination is the way to go, we can discuss a bundle discount
later if you’d like.
My total fee for this project would be $68 dollars, which is my normal fee less a 15% discount.
This is to illustrate to you how badly I’d like to help with your hedgehog problem.
Give me a call sometime. Even if this offer doesn’t appeal to you, I’d love to talk. Consultations
can take many forms and achieve many goals. How you’d like to talk your way through them is
entirely your call.
Hedgehog Infestation Consultant; Hedgehog Exterminator
Steve Watson’s Hedgehog Consultation and Extermination